Reflections

A couple of weeks back I went home while the sun was still shining and arrived at the doorstep of my home to be greeted by the surprised face of my brother.
"Did you get fired?" he asked sarcastically.
This was my moment of realisation. I don't usually come home early, I just continue working as long as there is work to do (which is usually the case) but I certainly do not consider myself a workaholic. Few of my friends have begun to think I am one, after coming home late and missing some friendly get-togethers.
Workaholics thrive on work. I, on the other hand simply have work that if left unfinished will lead to certain miseries and doom. But it is rather ironic (or foolish) how before I started working I swore to myself to lead a balance life and not linger about the office. Haha.

*****
Today while reading Patsy Kam's article in the Star about the meaning of Christmas, I suddenly came to another realisation. Of course, articles pandering about what Christmas really means are by no means a fresh topic, yet funnily enough when Patsy wrote about how we're paying just so much attention to a Christmas tree, I realise I do the same. Will this year's tree be dressed in gold? Or silver? Or decked in bows and other shiny paraphernalia?

All the years of amusing myself with ideas on how to make my artificial, lifeless tree match the regal ones in Metrojaya, I forgot that in another corner in my house sits the altar where there is an image of Jesus and the Bible laid before it. How did I spend the last few years forgetting to figure out how to make the altar the centre of attention during Christmas? By no means am I doing a 360 and chucking the tree out, some traditions albeit commercial driven, are still fun to follow but I guess as a Christian I should have also thought more of Jesus.

After all it was His birth and not my fake tree.

U know when Christmas is near

Yes, the signs are eminent when Christmas is close by...The obvious ones would be a sudden influx of pine and fir trees all over malls with gaily coloured balls and reams of ribbons..

In the office I have started blaring some old Christmas oldies to the delighted glee of some colleagues :)

At home this sign comes up :
















It ONLY comes around just before Christmas, so go figure.. :)

What Am I Doing

It's like 12.08 am (took me 6 tries to type those words, kept on mispelling) and I'm up when I know I'd have another long day tomorrow.

I'm in my room on my sister's laptop since it works faster than my Toshiba, and out of the back window hyper happy Tamil music is playing from the mamak. It's times like these when I feel at ease, serene (yes with the whole Tamil music thing) when the night air is still and the only voice I hear is the one that belongs to me, talking to me, inside of me. Do I sound insane or what haha.

TO whoever who reads this post, I'm sorry if I've been cutting calls, MSNs, SMS, whatever communication short with the excuse 'I'm busy'. Work has been eating up a chunk of life, actually almost the whole chunk of my life and I hear many a wise man's faint echo 'Work, Life Balance.. GO slow .. DOn't burn'.

But how leh... when stuff keeps on streaming in ?

I'm in a reflective mood when I get home, now when I sneak some precious time to blog. What am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? Is it really work hard while you're young or is it Be smart and screw it while you can cos life's short. I really don't know. But you know how they tell you to trust your gut instinct? That small little voice inside of you? Right now the voice says things are not really all right for me. BUT then I have more than one voice. In the morning another voice says C'mon, this is it. This is life. We're going to seize the day. So which voice is right ah?

I hear the echoes of plastic plates being stacked in the back lane by the washer women of the mamak. I hear even more Tamil music going a few decibels louder than before... or it's just another singer who has a shriller voice, I'm not too sure. I hear the tapping on my keyboard. It's times like this when I feel serene after a hectic day :)

Which is which

Woman who leaves job and joins boyfriend in another country
Fool or Strong Faith?

Woman who works 12 hours everyday
Workaholic or Ambitious?

Woman who tries to work by principles
Idealistic or Strong Character?

Woman who decides to leave lover for career
Realist or Cold Hearted?

Woman who delays having a family to dedicate herself to work
Ambitious or Soul-less?

Woman who forgives unfaithful lover
Understanding or Foolish?

Woman who believes in finding The One
Naive or Optimist?

Thank you

Thanks for all the wishes guys :) I appreciate that you guys remembered and took the time to create some funky, heartfelt messages.

Walk

Reaching at this corner
I have to take a turn
Moving on and on
It's not a choice
No time to stammer
Just keep up my poise
And walk on ...

Looking over my shoulder
Was my journey all that good
Tried my best to keep the mood
At times I gave up
At times I wanted to stall
But thank You
You kept me renewed
I walked on
Walked on for tomorrow
Walked on for tomorrow

Now I take my stride
Here I come
Around the corner
I hear new whispers
I can only imagine
What awaits
Who will walk beside me
Who will dance beside me
Who will try to break my steps
Who will carry me forward
Let me sail and glide
In my strides

Can only look behind my shoulder
Footsteps seem to be heavier
But no time to stop or stammer
I'm moving on and on
This is life
And life's like this

We still love Malaysia ... right?

The room was not the most comfortable of waiting rooms I've seen, with dirty white walls and a bare plastic playground occupying one section of it. With a runny nose and irritable throat, I lumbered across the room with my laptop bag (stuffed with magazines, 2 seasons of Prison Break and a bottle water) to find an empty spot on the sagging moldy green coloured couch.

I was here waiting for my MyVi to be serviced, but this place could well be a hospital waiting room. Everyone else waiting had either the papers in hand or a magazine and I decided I would spend the next hour gleefully catching up on Prison Break-haven't watched it so long I can't even recall the characters' names. But that was before I caught sight of the TV at the end of my couch, showing none other than Embun, the 2002 Malay movie depicting a love story in the midst of the struggle against the Japanese Occupation. I immediately forgot my Prison Break plans and got caught up in the movie, (despite having watched it before). One quick glance around the room, I noticed noone bothered besides me. Just me-watching a Malay movie.

Was it the love story? Unlikely since there are better love stories. Was it the ironic and discreet relationship between the Malay girl and Japanese soldier? Maybe. Was it because it was a story set during hardship and war? More likely because of this- I'm a sucker for this genre (think The Pianist and As Far as My Feet Will Carry Me). But maybe just maybe because it was a story about Malaysians, and not a bad crafting of the subject too. And I have my patriotic moments like on the eve of Merdeka when I'm sitting in this dingy waiting room I feel a sense of pride watching Embun.

But why does noone else bother? That thought irritates me slightly.. Perhaps it was just early in the morning and the papers were more important to read since it details 2009's Budget and I'm a naive idealist having romantic ideas about patriotism. Who knows- perhaps back home all those people in the waiting room could be flying ten Malaysian flags from their balcony and even one of those mini ones at the top of their cars (though I highly doubt this theory).

Later that night, as I sit in my living room in my flagless house flipping channels just before midnight to see if there's any live broadcast on the Merdeka celebrations- there were none except of course the mandatory ones on the ever dreary RTM channels. Hmm looks like this sombre Merdeka mood extends even to the media.

Whatever the reason may be- an uncertain political future for the country, the lack of stability at the current moment, the unforgiving hike in prices, there's still something to love about Malaysia for me- something way more intangible than all those- otherwise how do you explain people from war torn countries like Iraq who even after escaping dream of going home? I clearly remember some articles I read a while back about refugees who despite living comfortably in a new host country- still feel the yearning of their motherland.

So no different here - I have not flown a flag this year, neither do I love the politicians or the inconsistency of government service or the biasness of privileges but there is something about Malaysia, tanah tumpah darahku.