Writing through the times

I loved to write ever since I can remember. I would write short stories inspired by other short stories I loved to read while growing up, sometimes write quotes, pretending to be a great philosopher (haha, I know eye-roll) and now that I'm an adult I rediscovered writing again commercially for print (not so fun, because not every clients' work is creative) and writing & publishing my travel stories in different magazines. Sometimes the writing would be in the form of a loose poem, when I feel emotionally moved while picturing myself in the shoes of others, or sometimes through my own experiences. 

These are today's scribbles....

Feel Again

I still remember what it was like

To stare into someone’s eyes
And realise the vulnerable, heavy feeling
To care for him with all my might
To reach a point where I stopped counting
If he would return my feelings
Because it mattered more
To just let go
And shower him
With the depth of my emotions. 
Then I realised
How beautiful it was to possess the capability to love
Someone without blood ties
A feeling so selfless I never knew I had
And also fearfully realise how vulnerable I am
Like a floating dandelion
Unsure of where I’ll land. 

I look into your eyes now
And I almost feel the same again
You don’t know I’m holding back
A reservoir of emotions 
I am not ready to feel again
Once the floodgates open
There will be no holding back
I don’t know how to love with conditions 
It is either like the present momentI hold back and not love
Or I let go of my fears
And allow myself to feel again
And fall in love with you with all my heart 

Wait for me and let me take my time
I can see the edge and I’m walking there
Wait for me when I’m at the edge
I will open my arms wide
And free fall into love again.

**********************

Dreams

What’s standing between you and I, my Dreams?
How is it I can see what you look like, so beautiful,
Shimmering across the sea, beyond reach.
 
You taunt me, telling me you could be mine
People tell me you are possible
I believe you can be mine
Yet I have little clue how to make you mine
 
I see myself travelling
With pockets full to make a living
I weave through cultures
And explore hidden streets
And every nook and corner
My work I created thrives
It sends me further
More reason to travel
With a loved one
Sharing the same passion for life
The same love for God
And the same yearning to explore
 
So what’s really standing between you and I, my Dreams?
Is it fear of letting go what I have now,
To swim through unchartered waters
To reach you?
 
I do not want to have a near death moment
To realise I should have plunged for you all along
Oh God, tell me where do I start
So I can finally live my dreams.

Mindtrap

Mind clouded sense astray
What truth gets through your way?
Dialogue, cajoling, heckling, threats
Disperse like vapour in heat

Mind warped in steel
Sealed from inside's will
Only you can hear the truth
If you let the locks be moved

Mind afloat in fantasy
Reality keeps on living
Time still keeps passing
See how much you're losing
If you refuse to wake up.
Why not drop the sick desires
And greet reality

Counting the days

Have you felt work droning on an on, blending weekdays together in a mish mash? Sometimes, my Monday gets mixed with Tuesday, or was it Wednesday, no wait it's just Monday, I catch myself confused sometimes. And when I do reach the real Wednesday, it does feel like I've passed the half way mark of a marathon (not that I ever did one :P ). When Friday finally comes, I do sometimes feel like I just crawled out from a blender, covered in squishy slime that is pieces and bits of work, information, meetings, conversations, emails, calls, texts, more meetings and emails... and see the big blue sea called weekend stretched ahead of me :)

And in the space of the big blue sea my body is alive again and the mind is alert. Aware of every hour, every minute that passes, precious time slipping through the fingers like fine sand. Then my mind sets adrift thinking of all the stuff I want to catch up on, movies, that magazine lying somewhere, that dusty half-read book on the table, oh my dog needs a bath... a trip... oh yes... why not a trip? Weekend's a little too short, will have to save this plan for later then... Why does the juicy parts of life always gets put away. It seems like the moments I look forward to nowadays are far shorter than the horrid journeys taken to reach the moment. And all too soon the moment passes again.

Perhaps I need a paradigm shift. Perhaps my so called horrid days are not really horrid at all, I just can't see how exciting they are. As exciting as my next holiday ( already I can hear my mind sarcastically screaming yea right ). Or perhaps, just maybe, my days are really horrid. And it needs to be changed, pronto. Then I wouldn't have to end my lovely weekend on an abrupt full stop, it will continue throughout the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. One endless seven coloured rainbow of days. Wishful thinking? I'm praying hard it's not, and I'll find the formula :)

The College Days..

I wanna be a college student again!!
Where I did assignments because I liked it
Nobody is my boss because if I fail I answer to myself
If I do well I praise myself
Where money was always short
but I wasn't afriad to find 101 odd jobs
Where life spread out like a big dream before it got tainted
Where all seemed hopeful, doubts were few....

Vietnam - An odd collection of pix

It's been quite some time since I headed down to Vietnam, I just couldn't find the time to write about it.

So I think I'll upload pix instead and let them do most of the talking. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words isn't it? But then again some say pictures are also very misleading so I will oblige with one or two comments for the pictures.

Vietnam, I'm not quite sure how to describe it in one word. I went to the south - Ho Chi Minh City and the surrounding region of My Tho and Can Tho. It's not exactly a touristy place but if simply observing another way of life is your cup of tea, Vietnam is for you.

Somewhere in town, I chanced upon a road that sells just shoes, shoes, shoes.

I've had many bad dreams where I held a gun but it wouldn't fire at the most critical moment. Needless to say, the experience of being able to fire a real gun with live bullets has put a long haunting dream to rest.

She's a beauty. But she doesn't know her fate, being beautiful has a price to pay. Unfortunately, she will be skinned when the time is right.

First time on a bike with my friend. I signed up for a homestay. They separated us on two bikes. I wondered if I'd be kidnapped as we winded through village roads. It makes me wonder how I could be so trusting, but oh well thk God all was well.

My homestay room. This is actually not a true reflection of their life. The host actually stays in a brick home haha.

The people you might meet during a homnestay. So happened all of them are dutch. One of them has a pretty cool job as a private pilot. Guess which one?

I didn't plan on buying art-pieces but this one just hooked me. I fell hard for her mesmerizing gaze. If you're interested to purchase, drop me a comment.

Tomorrow is a public holiday in Malaysia, hence my pre-holiday laziness to type. If you'd rather read a proper write-up click here :P

the longer writeup on Ho Chi Minh City

Broken Run

I count my lucky stars everyday

I take a ride with positivism

I run a steady run

Smiling ever ready

Sharp rocks seem like pebbles

White waters like streams

I count my lucky stars everyday

Because I can still see the silver lining

But I am tested oh so badly

When I see the closest to me

Who seemingly don’t deserve it

Has life handed on a golden platter

If it were a stranger

I’d shake my head and run on

Saying our lives are two worlds apart

Maybe they had it harsh, now God smiles on them

If it were a friend

I’d shake my head but wish him well

The wheel of fortune visits you

I hope it notices my sweat

And gives me a good turn of fortune soon

But if it were my kin of blood

The world now seems imbalance

I wish I could wish her well

But it stumps me to know

How dreams which you wish upon yourself

Dreams you work hard for

And never achieved

Can be granted unto another

Who has hardly broke a sweat

Yet been dealt a card of luck

By the very hand that feeds us both

How now do I run

How do I run

With a smile

As if the day has never changed

It seems as if all the principles I swear my life by

Now seem broken

Now seem to laugh back at me

Did life cheat me

Or did I cheat myself?

Did God blink for a moment

And in the short darkness

Life as I knew it came to a halt

Mighty friend, father, creator

You know the beginning and the end

You hold the secrets for every event

You know why you made things the way they are

Never do I want to doubt you

I always said I pledge my faith in you

But punish me not

For today I broke my steady run

My ride with positivism came to a halt

And ask you why

Is my turn ever going to come

Why was it in your story

The prodigal son had more

Than the one who stayed

Today I can’t remember the ending to that story

Kedondong Waterfalls - My second Waterfall Survivors Trip

From my last trip with Waterfall Survivors, I decided it's time to make another one. This time it was to Kedondong Waterfalls, somewhere between the Selangor and Pahang border.

It was an early which started out very wrong, but ended pretty well!
The wrong things:
#1 Opening the car door and stepping straight into a pothole filled with dirty water
#2 Being at the wrong meetup point
#3 Upon rushing to the right meetup point, got stuck in a standstill jam on MRR2 because of a horrific accident
#4 Since we were late, we took down the coordinates of the waterfall and drove ourselves there with the help of three trusty GPS enable Nokia phones
#5 Did I just say trusty? The signals for each phone went on and off. We are now left to manually navigate using the map. Good luck to us, there are not many landmarks in the map because we're driving through forested areas.
#6 We can't call for navigation help because we are using a different route from the group who drove earlier. Our GPS told us this is the better/shorter way.
#7 Oh, did I mention, my friend in the backseat blurted out that his friend who is not on the trip texted him to say that she dreamt something bad happened to him. Encouraging indeed!
#8 There is no #8 because after this it was fun all the way :D!!

Beautiful! The trek was actually pretty simple.

The water was icy chilly though since we're located pretty close to Genting Highlands

 The water continues its rush downwards...

Funnily enough this trek was simple but because there was a lot of broken bamboo along the way, this is the result... (Not meant to scare anyone, by all means go and have a safe fun trip! This did not happen to other people..)

Scratch #1 Along the knee

Scratch # 2. Along the calf. And a bruise too caused by a loose rock rolling down the slope and whacking my calf in the process

Scratch + Bruise #3. Probably the most painful of all. There was a hidden broken bamboo trunk facing upwards and reaching the height of my thigh. Thank god I didn't walk that fast.. or else.. impaled? :P

I would still go trekking and enjoy the outdoors anytime :D